A friend of mine told me he had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer…
again…
in the exact same location.
In 2020 he had undergone 10+ rounds of radiation and 8+ rounds of chemotherapy. I remember how miserable he looked and how tired he was. Now he has to go through it all again or be “dead within a year.”
How can this man do this again? How can he “spend months lying on the couch puking his guts out?” I don’t know
All I could say was, “If you need anything, I’ll be around.”
What can I do to help him?
I feel I owe it to him to refrain from any complaints or ungrateful behavior. How can I rationalize the subjective pain I have about the heat or being bored when compared with that? I have no impending pain hanging over my head.
With that being said, I take it as a responsibility to honor that which I have by acknowledging it. Life is short enough without complaints. Most pain is self-inflicted. Why keep adding to the pain present in the world through the manifestation of your own mind? There is no reason and as such, it makes no sense to do so.
On pain
On another note, my friend didn’t spend time complaining (even though I doubt any of us would judge him for doing so). He merely said, “I’m gonna go sit down. Have a good day.”
Even with what was going on he wished me a good day.
The Arrow that Strikes twice
The Buddha once said that when an arrow strikes us, we suffer two pains. The physical pain of the arrow piercing our body, and our mental resistance—anger, denial and wishing the first pain would go away. We can never control the first pain, but the second is always a choice.
– Mark Manson
What my friend is going through is intrinsically a painful experience. The shock of finding this out brings a pain of it’s own, and the treatments he is going to have to undergo are actually painful experiences. Take note that he doesn’t make this situation hurt worse by creating a painful narrative around what’s happening. He’s not exclaiming, “Why me?”
The point is this; Some things just suck really really really bad and there is very little or nothing that can be done about it…
Except controlling the narrative and story you tell yourself about the situation.
– Marcus Aurelius